Tag Archives: life

Am I a nice guy? No, but I have a sweet Fedora (Linux)!

That’s right, I’ve installed another OS on my humble and mildly broken laptop. Fedora Linux 22.

Update: Switched to a USB 3.0 32GB drive. Works so much better.
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Day 2

Yup. Still miss her.

Today, I worked. In a miracle brought about of my own gumption… I got the Miata to fire… For about a second. It then proceeded to cough up smoke and die. Oh well, should probably check all my grounds and make sure it’s all wired up correctly. Lord, if I could get the Miata squared away, I could start focusing on the G. Oh the things I would do if I had money.

As per usual, cars serve as a very appropriate distraction.

Went to a local meet at Guptill’s Arena… Lots of Hondas… Wasn’t super impressed. My buddy brought his Black Evo X out to play, and we ran into his buddy with a Red Evo X. An NSX appeared at the meet followed by a new Boss 302, which was lovely.

On the drive home, I caught myself missing her, and wishing she’d been with me… Even if she was bored with the cars. My buddy brought his girl out with him, and it really made me miss the companionship… Now, I’m sitting here again, regretting my poor decisions and hoping against hope I have the chance to right my wrongs, not that I deserve or expect that chance.

Parting Thoughts?


So Let’s Pretend For a Moment

… That I haven’t lost a lot in my life. That my parents haven’t split, that my breakups weren’t all disasters, that my cars haven’t all been disasters, that I haven’t been working the same minimum wage job for 3 years on the edge of getting fired and that my mind isn’t a briarpatch of hatred for all those things surrounding a frightened child who just wants to get the things he loves back, but everytime he ventures into the thorns he gets hurt…

Let’s pretend that isn’t the case. Let’s pretend this last relationship meant as much to me as it did to her (which was apparently not much), wouldn’t I still be depressed, that I’m again (still) single and feel like I wasted my time every night that I tried to stand by her and stay with her?

Maybe this is just an angry rant today with no basis in anything, but I miss her. Not my big ex. God no. She’s been further and further from that little boy, in fact she’s on an island with a bunch of other bitches out past the horizons of his vision.

The one I miss now is the girl who’s been occupying that little boy for some time now. While walking around the various natural paths in the briarpatch, the young boy, came upon a young girl. She seemed to be wandering as he was! He stopped and said hello. She returned the favor and they began to get to know each other. They walked around showing each other the trails. The boy even had to help the girl fend off the shadows in her own mind on occasion.

The Boy and girl became good friends. The boy worked hard to make sure they girl was enjoying herself, that she was happy. The girl smiled and hugged the boy. Sometimes even kissed him.

The boy and the girl navigated the briarpatch and the boy never once complained. Until he met some of his friends, and the girl found one of them to be more interesting and left the boy in the briarpatch… Without a word.

I miss this girl, but I can’t say anything to her… She doesn’t seem to care about me, my feelings or any of the things I did for her… Which to me hurts more than anything. Apathy sucks.

Girl: “I’ll be around for a while”
Boy: “until someone better comes along or you get bored?”
Girl: :(… No…

…Guess someone better came along.

So… You Know the Song ‘Grenade’ by Bruno Mars?…

It’s funny sometimes how life can hand you music to make a soundtrack that intertwines itself so perfectly within your situation, that you feel it can’t be anything but fate…

Grenade by Bruno Mars. It’s a song about myself and Silvia; my car to anyone who knows me or reads my Motoring Blog.

Thank you New York state for your wonderful annual auto inspections. Congratulations also go out to the federal government of the United States of America for finding a way to prevent unsafe driving by making an engine diagnostic system that makes it nigh impossible to run modified cars on the streets for more than a year.

OBD-II is amazing in it’s implementation. It’s required equipment on any car sold in the U.S. of A. No car produced after 1995 is exempt. That means Model year 1996-Present is running an Onboard Diagnostic (Gen-II) system. These systems are amazing in their control as well. They can retard cam timing to lean out A/F ratios, they can sometimes stop knock before it’s begun and can even tell you when something is potentially wrong with your engine! All it has to do to achieve this is run a network or sensors, i.e. it’s eyes and ears, to all corners of your engine, chassis and drivetrain.

On my 1996 Nissan 240SX, I have a knock sensor, a throttle position sensor, an intake air temperature sensor, a mass air flow sensor, an exhaust gas recirculation temperature sensor, a rear (exhaust) O2 sensor, a fuel pump sending sensor, a manifold absolute pressure sensor, an evaporative¬†emissions¬†system solenoid sensor, a camshaft position sensor and a crankshaft position sensor… And those are just the one’s I know about!?

While their programming and method of use may allow some of us to forgo stand-alone EMS and wideband controllers, due to the far reaching nature of the factory sensors and ability to rewrite almost every aspect of the management system, we still must deal with the Priority Channel these are allowed during your inspection. Any discrepancies between acceptable values and current values are reported to DMV, as well as any sensors not reading what they are supposed to.

Modern ECUs are incredible. You cannot ditch them if you want to drive on the street. And any method for fooling the computers or your ECU is against the law. Not to say ECU tuning is illegal, but if you’re rewriting firmware or allowing the motor to operate outside it’s intended efficiency, good luck to you.

I was never around for the days when you could check your timing with your watch…

Happy Birthday Bitch

Today is a day I shouldn’t care about, but I do. It’s my Ex’s birthday. A day that I was able to remember without the aid of Facebook… That is not something I’m proud of.

I wanted to leave her a little something, like a card even, but friends and family advised me against it. They said she doesn’t deserve shit from me. They are right too. She broke up with me. Why should I bother. I don’t even consider us friends right now. We have nothing in common anymore and we don’t really talk or anything.

Yes, I still miss her. Do I still want her back? Fuck no. I hate her for what she did to me. As a person, I hate her. So… Happy Birthday. Hope you don’t think of me today, because that would just be too freaky.

She got me again

When she contacted me a few weeks ago, I wanted to know why… I didn’t realize, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit, I still loved her.

I still wanted to be with her. She told me when I hugged her, that it was more than friendly. She was right. I care about her as more than a friend. I always will. She cannot be just a friend. I refuse to think of her like that, because it’s such a colossal downgrade! I can’t go from a two yer relationship, where I told her I loved everyday to, we don’t talk and we don’t hang out because you’re scared something will happen.

She had a few reasons to call me, of which this time, she looked for an excuse, hence my hoodie.
1) She missed me and was considering getting back together (to have me help raise her maybe-kid).
2) She was using me as her backup plan, and had no intention of even being friends till all else failed
3) She’s super confused and has no idea why she contacted me, doubtful
4) She’s a massive bitch and she wanted to string me along some more.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, time does not heal all wounds! She could’ve given me a year and I wouldn’t necessarily be over her!

I dreamt she was laughing at me for believing she wanted me back, and falling for it again…

After all the time I’ve spent spinning my wheels this summer. I just don’t want to deal with her. She’ll get a new BF soon enough, plaster him all over her FB, sleep with him within a week or 2 and end up exactly where she was. I’m sick of this cycle too. It took her 6 months to go farther with a new guy and have him leave her than it did with me! I don’t wanna be around for her to cry on.

She says she’s moved on and that it should be easy for me. But it isn’t. I tell her to let me go, and she says she has. But every time she talks to me, I feel myself get slowly pulled back in and hopeful.

I’ve severed all ties with her 3 times and she keeps coming back. Fuck it! I’m sick of this cycle where I’m like her ground zero! Fuck! I don’t want this anymore.

Figured Something Out

I was talking with my best friend Steve on the way home today. He had to give me a ride due to Silvia’s condition at the moment…

We got to talking about women and we came to a realization. Women talk to their Friends about their relationships, if you’re dating a woman, they can’t talk to you about that, so they’ll talk to you about boring shit, you know how I know even they think it’s boring?

Even they can’t tell when we’re paying attention! Hey, quick tip, IF YOU FOUND IT BORING, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE’LL FIND IT INTERESTING?!

Women, all women, when they talk about their relationship, they’ll talk to someone not quite completely removed but close enough to the situation that they have an inkling of what’s going on… Because they want someone to agree with them!

No matter how much you think you know about someone else’s relationship, I’ll bet you a million dollars you don’t know as much as the people actually involved with the relationship! I don’t care if you’re best buds or girlfriends, you don’t know the whole story! Because no one ever tells the whole story!

I feel that if a woman wants to talk about their relationship, they should be able to talk about it with their better half! Seriously, if it’s affecting his or her life, she/he deserves to know what’s coming so they can act accordingly.

My ex dumped me without talking to me. She talked to her family, her friends, her dance friends, pretty much everyone but myself. I can’t change it, but it was something that made me sad.

If you’ve dated someone for more than a month, you should have the confidence to discuss your relationship with the one you’re dating. If it’s been more than a month, they deserve to know if you’ve kept them around.

Just my own personal opinions.