That’s right, I’ve installed another OS on my humble and mildly broken laptop. Fedora Linux 22.
Update: Switched to a USB 3.0 32GB drive. Works so much better.
Continue reading
Yup. Still miss her.
Today, I worked. In a miracle brought about of my own gumption… I got the Miata to fire… For about a second. It then proceeded to cough up smoke and die. Oh well, should probably check all my grounds and make sure it’s all wired up correctly. Lord, if I could get the Miata squared away, I could start focusing on the G. Oh the things I would do if I had money.
As per usual, cars serve as a very appropriate distraction.
Went to a local meet at Guptill’s Arena… Lots of Hondas… Wasn’t super impressed. My buddy brought his Black Evo X out to play, and we ran into his buddy with a Red Evo X. An NSX appeared at the meet followed by a new Boss 302, which was lovely.
On the drive home, I caught myself missing her, and wishing she’d been with me… Even if she was bored with the cars. My buddy brought his girl out with him, and it really made me miss the companionship… Now, I’m sitting here again, regretting my poor decisions and hoping against hope I have the chance to right my wrongs, not that I deserve or expect that chance.
Parting Thoughts?
… That I haven’t lost a lot in my life. That my parents haven’t split, that my breakups weren’t all disasters, that my cars haven’t all been disasters, that I haven’t been working the same minimum wage job for 3 years on the edge of getting fired and that my mind isn’t a briarpatch of hatred for all those things surrounding a frightened child who just wants to get the things he loves back, but everytime he ventures into the thorns he gets hurt…
Let’s pretend that isn’t the case. Let’s pretend this last relationship meant as much to me as it did to her (which was apparently not much), wouldn’t I still be depressed, that I’m again (still) single and feel like I wasted my time every night that I tried to stand by her and stay with her?
Maybe this is just an angry rant today with no basis in anything, but I miss her. Not my big ex. God no. She’s been further and further from that little boy, in fact she’s on an island with a bunch of other bitches out past the horizons of his vision.
The one I miss now is the girl who’s been occupying that little boy for some time now. While walking around the various natural paths in the briarpatch, the young boy, came upon a young girl. She seemed to be wandering as he was! He stopped and said hello. She returned the favor and they began to get to know each other. They walked around showing each other the trails. The boy even had to help the girl fend off the shadows in her own mind on occasion.
The Boy and girl became good friends. The boy worked hard to make sure they girl was enjoying herself, that she was happy. The girl smiled and hugged the boy. Sometimes even kissed him.
The boy and the girl navigated the briarpatch and the boy never once complained. Until he met some of his friends, and the girl found one of them to be more interesting and left the boy in the briarpatch… Without a word.
I miss this girl, but I can’t say anything to her… She doesn’t seem to care about me, my feelings or any of the things I did for her… Which to me hurts more than anything. Apathy sucks.
Girl: “I’ll be around for a while”
Boy: “until someone better comes along or you get bored?”
Girl: :(… No…
…Guess someone better came along.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged cars, depression, human, life, loss, mental, mind, Scars, women
It’s funny sometimes how life can hand you music to make a soundtrack that intertwines itself so perfectly within your situation, that you feel it can’t be anything but fate…
Grenade by Bruno Mars. It’s a song about myself and Silvia; my car to anyone who knows me or reads my Motoring Blog.
Thank you New York state for your wonderful annual auto inspections. Congratulations also go out to the federal government of the United States of America for finding a way to prevent unsafe driving by making an engine diagnostic system that makes it nigh impossible to run modified cars on the streets for more than a year.
OBD-II is amazing in it’s implementation. It’s required equipment on any car sold in the U.S. of A. No car produced after 1995 is exempt. That means Model year 1996-Present is running an Onboard Diagnostic (Gen-II) system. These systems are amazing in their control as well. They can retard cam timing to lean out A/F ratios, they can sometimes stop knock before it’s begun and can even tell you when something is potentially wrong with your engine! All it has to do to achieve this is run a network or sensors, i.e. it’s eyes and ears, to all corners of your engine, chassis and drivetrain.
On my 1996 Nissan 240SX, I have a knock sensor, a throttle position sensor, an intake air temperature sensor, a mass air flow sensor, an exhaust gas recirculation temperature sensor, a rear (exhaust) O2 sensor, a fuel pump sending sensor, a manifold absolute pressure sensor, an evaporative emissions system solenoid sensor, a camshaft position sensor and a crankshaft position sensor… And those are just the one’s I know about!?
While their programming and method of use may allow some of us to forgo stand-alone EMS and wideband controllers, due to the far reaching nature of the factory sensors and ability to rewrite almost every aspect of the management system, we still must deal with the Priority Channel these are allowed during your inspection. Any discrepancies between acceptable values and current values are reported to DMV, as well as any sensors not reading what they are supposed to.
Modern ECUs are incredible. You cannot ditch them if you want to drive on the street. And any method for fooling the computers or your ECU is against the law. Not to say ECU tuning is illegal, but if you’re rewriting firmware or allowing the motor to operate outside it’s intended efficiency, good luck to you.
I was never around for the days when you could check your timing with your watch…
Today is a day I shouldn’t care about, but I do. It’s my Ex’s birthday. A day that I was able to remember without the aid of Facebook… That is not something I’m proud of.
I wanted to leave her a little something, like a card even, but friends and family advised me against it. They said she doesn’t deserve shit from me. They are right too. She broke up with me. Why should I bother. I don’t even consider us friends right now. We have nothing in common anymore and we don’t really talk or anything.
Yes, I still miss her. Do I still want her back? Fuck no. I hate her for what she did to me. As a person, I hate her. So… Happy Birthday. Hope you don’t think of me today, because that would just be too freaky.
When she contacted me a few weeks ago, I wanted to know why… I didn’t realize, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit, I still loved her.
I still wanted to be with her. She told me when I hugged her, that it was more than friendly. She was right. I care about her as more than a friend. I always will. She cannot be just a friend. I refuse to think of her like that, because it’s such a colossal downgrade! I can’t go from a two yer relationship, where I told her I loved everyday to, we don’t talk and we don’t hang out because you’re scared something will happen.
She had a few reasons to call me, of which this time, she looked for an excuse, hence my hoodie.
1) She missed me and was considering getting back together (to have me help raise her maybe-kid).
2) She was using me as her backup plan, and had no intention of even being friends till all else failed
3) She’s super confused and has no idea why she contacted me, doubtful
4) She’s a massive bitch and she wanted to string me along some more.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, time does not heal all wounds! She could’ve given me a year and I wouldn’t necessarily be over her!
I dreamt she was laughing at me for believing she wanted me back, and falling for it again…
After all the time I’ve spent spinning my wheels this summer. I just don’t want to deal with her. She’ll get a new BF soon enough, plaster him all over her FB, sleep with him within a week or 2 and end up exactly where she was. I’m sick of this cycle too. It took her 6 months to go farther with a new guy and have him leave her than it did with me! I don’t wanna be around for her to cry on.
She says she’s moved on and that it should be easy for me. But it isn’t. I tell her to let me go, and she says she has. But every time she talks to me, I feel myself get slowly pulled back in and hopeful.
I’ve severed all ties with her 3 times and she keeps coming back. Fuck it! I’m sick of this cycle where I’m like her ground zero! Fuck! I don’t want this anymore.
I was talking with my best friend Steve on the way home today. He had to give me a ride due to Silvia’s condition at the moment…
We got to talking about women and we came to a realization. Women talk to their Friends about their relationships, if you’re dating a woman, they can’t talk to you about that, so they’ll talk to you about boring shit, you know how I know even they think it’s boring?
Even they can’t tell when we’re paying attention! Hey, quick tip, IF YOU FOUND IT BORING, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE’LL FIND IT INTERESTING?!
Women, all women, when they talk about their relationship, they’ll talk to someone not quite completely removed but close enough to the situation that they have an inkling of what’s going on… Because they want someone to agree with them!
No matter how much you think you know about someone else’s relationship, I’ll bet you a million dollars you don’t know as much as the people actually involved with the relationship! I don’t care if you’re best buds or girlfriends, you don’t know the whole story! Because no one ever tells the whole story!
I feel that if a woman wants to talk about their relationship, they should be able to talk about it with their better half! Seriously, if it’s affecting his or her life, she/he deserves to know what’s coming so they can act accordingly.
My ex dumped me without talking to me. She talked to her family, her friends, her dance friends, pretty much everyone but myself. I can’t change it, but it was something that made me sad.
If you’ve dated someone for more than a month, you should have the confidence to discuss your relationship with the one you’re dating. If it’s been more than a month, they deserve to know if you’ve kept them around.
Just my own personal opinions.
For all my belly acheing about missing her… Single life is so much less stressful than a relationship!
No one calling at 10:30 and staying on the phone till they all asleep, no drama, no stressing over money for two people, no driving all over creation for rides, no more “life is like a museum; you can look but you can’t touch”!
I’m saving money, and I’m trying to find a car that will fit. Damn!
I can actually focus on shit! I’m making money at work, I’m working more hours and enjoying my offtime because I’m worrying less without a woman!
I can go after whoever I want… Man, if it wasn’t for the loneliness, and the void created when she left, I think I’d be 150%
I know I’m going to be alright. I made some money today and I’m in a good-ish mood.
Phew…
Two women in my life. One shouldn’t be, one has taken the place of another that has been mentioned a fair while ago, think years here…
The ones who are in my life, I pay attention to, I help when they need it, and I try to keep myself available. See, if I wanted to date somebody I would be dating right now. It’s a girls fault I’m not dating, but it’s not because of how I feel about her, it’s about how I feel about women in general. At least once in life, a man will try his level best to be everything a woman wants him to be. More than likely, he will fail, but the woman may appreciate the effort and lower her standards.
However, women are not static creatures. Women are more like water, always changing, never deciding upon a still form as long as the world moves around them. Men, from what I’ve observed, are like the moon. We aren’t quite static, but we don’t like to deviate from the path of least resistance if it’s working for us. We forget what kind of an impact we have on women as well. Just as the moon changes the tides, so do men profoundly impact women, often in ways we don’t expect.
When you think about it, men and women are intertwined. We’re separate within the human race. We think completely differently. We act completely differently, and often we follow different rules. I’m not going to start in on gender roles here, because they’re boring and really irrelevant. A man or woman can be anything they want to. A cart-girl at a super market would be no more obscure than a man working in a clothing shop, or make-up parlour. Traditional roles don’t really apply to the newer generations like they used to, and yes, there is something to be said for nurture vs. nature, but still, all in all, wholly irrelevant here.
Women and men are different. We all know and accept it. As much as a feminist or chauvinist will tell you otherwise, women cannot live without men, just as men cannot live without women. Yes homosexuals and all. Bullshit. Regardless of who you love, you cannot procreate without the opposite gender’s involvment somewhere down the line, even discounting children, women and men, homo- or heterosexual need the opposite gender, because a different viewpoint is always refreshing. Whether you cry on your best friend’s shoulder, or the groin of a stranger, the opposite sex will always have a place in our lives…
Which is one of the main reasons, I cannot understand why men and women refuse to understand each other. Yes, we think differently, but getting on the same page isn’t difficult. I know several men, studs, nerds, friends, men, who would give their left nut to know how women think. To a man, a woman’s actions seem to happen without a sense of logic, and to a woman, a man’s actions seem to be devoid of emotion and passion. That’s true to an extent. Men try their very hardest when making a decision to take their emotions out of the equation, most notably because certain emotions, like stress or anger can cause unclear thinking for a man.
Personally, when I make a decision, I like to be calm. I hate to be rushed, because I hate stress. Stress causes me to weigh options differently. When stress is added to an equation, I worry about the fastest, not necessarily the best route. When I remove stress and calm down, I can think rationally. I can make value judgments based on their outcome. I have always been a “journey” oriented person, as apposed to a “destination” oriented person, someone who when starting a trip is always worried about getting to the end, and is constantly thinking of ways to save time. I’m the type of person who enjoys the trip. My personal philosophy is that we have so little time on this Earth, why shorten it? Enjoy everything you do, don’t waste time worrying, because that’s still wasting time. You’ll get there when you get there.
As a man, I guess I don’t understand women when they talk about a patriarchal society. I feel that men and women can live, love and pursue however, whoever, and whatever they damn well please. We have a black president for chrissakes, and a woman was his primary competitor! Dammit if we don’t live in a world where there is somewhere you can be happy, and someone you can be happy with.
Believe it or not, I’m actually a conservative. I believe in due process, and the second amendment, yet I’m pro-choice. I think that anyone can pull themselves from the muk and become someone of value, to their family, their country or the whole world! Yet I think that they should be able to accomplish any goal they have legally. Nothing is impossible and you should never surrender! But I digress, to get back on topic…
I don’t proclaim to understand women, and I probably never will. Some things, women are better at, some things men can accomplish more competently, and still there is a place for everyone. All I’m saying is men and women don’t understand each other, and we need to. We all have to live together, and if we all try to understand others, and tolerate them, and work with them, we’ll become so much more than we are.
New relationships could be made simply by breaking humans down to their barest instincts. Barest being our three primary goals in life; staying alive, staying fed, and procreating. We all have rationalized these things, but still they linger at the core of our being, and still behavioral analysts use them to profile us as individuals, even though they are common to all humans.
Women: We don’t get you, tell us what you want! We won’t laugh, we try hard and work hard to keep you happy, if you think we’ve forgotten remind us! We aren’t perfect, and we aren’t mind readers. We will never forget you, what you’ve done for/to us. Ever. If you don’t believe us, leave for a week. It’ll seem like you’ve been gone for years when you get back.
Damn… I need a scotch.
So, my Ex hasn’t talked to me since she dumped all her problems on me.
I dreamed bout her last night. It was a simple Dream, she texted me and we talked and talked, and I wanted her, but I rejected her because I didn’t want to get hurt again.
The female mind is crazy as fuck. It has to do with sense, not that it makes any! Women don’t seem to do anything logically, However, upon a closer look we see there is a logic. There just isn’t clear intention. A woman will also put herself first, no matter what. She will accomplish her objective, unless it doesn’t jive with her own, in which case she’ll tell you she couldn’t accomplish it.
Logic is how men decide to do things, whether the guide is importance, or convience, there is a method to getting things done. A man will admit he’s wrong. Prove it and a man will gracefully accept it, and if he doesn’t call him on it, he’ll have no choice.
A woman, would rather walk away from the argument, which will frustrate a man, because it seems no progress has been made.
If a man bows out first, in an argument with a woman, some may call him whipped, I’ll call him a wiseman. Diplomacy is how you keep women happy.
Women: We don’t know what you want unless you tell us. Tell us and we’ll do our best.
Men: Do your goddamn best or face the consequences.
Women: You know what the consequences are.
This has gotten off topic though. This blog is about me. I may well be wrong, here’s my disclaimer, I’m a 20 year old, working on a CompSci degree, taking any of this as law isn’t smart.
These are observatory remarks that myself, my friends, my dad and/or my mother have noticed/clued me into over the years. See if they make sense to you before putting them into practice.
My love life sucks. I tried hard with my last girl, it’s been some work getting over her and more work learning what I have. I can’t tell you how to pick up women, I can help you understand as far as I do how a women thinks, which who knows how useful that is.
If you found anything I said useful, god bless you, spread the knowledge around, make people understand. Once everyone understands, everyone can live together and enjoy it. At least that’s how I feel.
If you have a question about how men operate, ask me. I’ll tell you, if you have a question about how women operate… Well, get ready for speculation/observation, because I am not a women. I drink scotch. I love cars, and I have a dick. Damn skippy if I know men. Women get unraveled one layer at a time around here.
 | SuperBlackS14 on How To Close The First Oblivio… |
| Chris Tuel on How To Close The First Oblivio… | |
 | Alexander Mason (@Fi… on Control |
| phantomgett on Heartbreak Warfare |
 | reyendo on Heartbreak Warfare |
Pistolero Extraordinaire 
You must be logged in to post a comment.