Tag Archives: mind

So Let’s Pretend For a Moment

… That I haven’t lost a lot in my life. That my parents haven’t split, that my breakups weren’t all disasters, that my cars haven’t all been disasters, that I haven’t been working the same minimum wage job for 3 years on the edge of getting fired and that my mind isn’t a briarpatch of hatred for all those things surrounding a frightened child who just wants to get the things he loves back, but everytime he ventures into the thorns he gets hurt…

Let’s pretend that isn’t the case. Let’s pretend this last relationship meant as much to me as it did to her (which was apparently not much), wouldn’t I still be depressed, that I’m again (still) single and feel like I wasted my time every night that I tried to stand by her and stay with her?

Maybe this is just an angry rant today with no basis in anything, but I miss her. Not my big ex. God no. She’s been further and further from that little boy, in fact she’s on an island with a bunch of other bitches out past the horizons of his vision.

The one I miss now is the girl who’s been occupying that little boy for some time now. While walking around the various natural paths in the briarpatch, the young boy, came upon a young girl. She seemed to be wandering as he was! He stopped and said hello. She returned the favor and they began to get to know each other. They walked around showing each other the trails. The boy even had to help the girl fend off the shadows in her own mind on occasion.

The Boy and girl became good friends. The boy worked hard to make sure they girl was enjoying herself, that she was happy. The girl smiled and hugged the boy. Sometimes even kissed him.

The boy and the girl navigated the briarpatch and the boy never once complained. Until he met some of his friends, and the girl found one of them to be more interesting and left the boy in the briarpatch… Without a word.

I miss this girl, but I can’t say anything to her… She doesn’t seem to care about me, my feelings or any of the things I did for her… Which to me hurts more than anything. Apathy sucks.

Girl: “I’ll be around for a while”
Boy: “until someone better comes along or you get bored?”
Girl: :(… No…

…Guess someone better came along.

That Damn Smile

After making plans, and appropriately preparing myself for a meeting with fate… Haircut, shave, nice clothes, comfortable shoes, various mental prep, the works… I went to the fair grounds to meet with my ex for a real talk. The first in 6 months.

After arriving at 8 PM, and wandering till 10:19 PM, I finally found her, on her way out, and after 2 brisk hugs and very few words, she was off. All the while with that damn smile on her face.

That Damn Smile as it should be known now, is that impenetrable smile women wear when they talk. It’s similar to a poker face.

I know that women seldom say what they mean. It’s much easier to read a person’s body language, even if one isn’t experienced in such ventures, than to try and read them vocally such as on the phone. Women tend to convey thoughts through subtle actions. A fireworks display to most men, some women tend to bite their lower lip when they are “in the mood”… Or stare at the ground when faced with an unpleasant memory…

My ex, from when she saw me, to when she walked away, had That Damn Smile on. I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to!? I wanted to know what she was thinking. Even a rough idea. She contacted me after 8 months out of the blue, an I wanted to know why… Because of That Damn Smile however, I learned nothing in 3-4 minutes. I’m exactly where I started except now I’m angry I wasted my night looking for her! She hung up on me and my friend because her parents were watching her… She found me by accident and waved me over and everything, and 3 minutes later, she was gone, and I had wasted any money I spent there because I hadn’t accomplished anything, and I had no fun trying to hunt her down.

Damn. Yeah. After all that build up, this was mainly a pissed off rant. Whatever, goodnight. Hope you got something from this.

My Personal Philosophies (And More)

Two women in my life. One shouldn’t be, one has taken the place of another that has been mentioned a fair while ago, think years here…

The ones who are in my life, I pay attention to, I help when they need it, and I try to keep myself available. See, if I wanted to date somebody I would be dating right now. It’s a girls fault I’m not dating, but it’s not because of how I feel about her, it’s about how I feel about women in general. At least once in life, a man will try his level best to be everything a woman wants him to be. More than likely, he will fail, but the woman may appreciate the effort and lower her standards.

However, women are not static creatures. Women are more like water, always changing, never deciding upon a still form as long as the world moves around them. Men, from what I’ve observed, are like the moon. We aren’t quite static, but we don’t like to deviate from the path of least resistance if it’s working for us. We forget what kind of an impact we have on women as well. Just as the moon changes the tides, so do men profoundly impact women, often in ways we don’t expect.

When you think about it, men and women are intertwined. We’re separate within the human race. We think completely differently. We act completely differently, and often we follow different rules. I’m not going to start in on gender roles here, because they’re boring and really irrelevant. A man or woman can be anything they want to. A cart-girl at a super market would be no more obscure than a man working in a clothing shop, or make-up parlour. Traditional roles don’t really apply to the newer generations like they used to, and yes, there is something to be said for nurture vs. nature, but still, all in all, wholly irrelevant here.

Women and men are different. We all know and accept it. As much as a feminist or chauvinist will tell you otherwise, women cannot live without men, just as men cannot live without women. Yes homosexuals and all. Bullshit. Regardless of who you love, you cannot procreate without the opposite gender’s involvment somewhere down the line, even discounting children, women and men, homo- or heterosexual need the opposite gender, because a different viewpoint is always refreshing. Whether you cry on your best friend’s shoulder, or the groin of a stranger, the opposite sex will always have a place in our lives…

Which is one of the main reasons, I cannot understand why men and women refuse to understand each other. Yes, we think differently, but getting on the same page isn’t difficult. I know several men, studs, nerds, friends, men, who would give their left nut to know how women think. To a man, a woman’s actions seem to happen without a sense of logic, and to a woman, a man’s actions seem to be devoid of emotion and passion. That’s true to an extent. Men try their very hardest when making a decision to take their emotions out of the equation, most notably because certain emotions, like stress or anger can cause unclear thinking for a man.

Personally, when I make a decision, I like to be calm. I hate to be rushed, because I hate stress. Stress causes me to weigh options differently. When stress is added to an equation, I worry about the fastest, not necessarily the best route. When I remove stress and calm down, I can think rationally. I can make value judgments based on their outcome. I have always been a “journey” oriented person, as apposed to a “destination” oriented person, someone who when starting a trip is always worried about getting to the end, and is constantly thinking of ways to save time. I’m the type of person who enjoys the trip. My personal philosophy is that we have so little time on this Earth, why shorten it? Enjoy everything you do, don’t waste time worrying, because that’s still wasting time. You’ll get there when you get there.

As a man, I guess I don’t understand women when they talk about a patriarchal society. I feel that men and women can live, love and pursue however, whoever, and whatever they damn well please. We have a black president for chrissakes, and a woman was his primary competitor! Dammit if we don’t live in a world where there is somewhere you can be happy, and someone you can be happy with.

Believe it or not, I’m actually a conservative. I believe in due process, and the second amendment, yet I’m pro-choice. I think that anyone can pull themselves from the muk and become someone of value, to their family, their country or the whole world! Yet I think that they should be able to accomplish any goal they have legally. Nothing is impossible and you should never surrender! But I digress, to get back on topic…

I don’t proclaim to understand women, and I probably never will. Some things, women are better at, some things men can accomplish more competently, and still there is a place for everyone. All I’m saying is men and women don’t understand each other, and we need to. We all have to live together, and if we all try to understand others, and tolerate them, and work with them, we’ll become so much more than we are.

New relationships could be made simply by breaking humans down to their barest instincts. Barest being our three primary goals in life; staying alive, staying fed, and procreating. We all have rationalized these things, but still they linger at the core of our being, and still behavioral analysts use them to profile us as individuals, even though they are common to all humans.

Women: We don’t get you, tell us what you want! We won’t laugh, we try hard and work hard to keep you happy, if you think we’ve forgotten remind us! We aren’t perfect, and we aren’t mind readers. We will never forget you, what you’ve done for/to us. Ever. If you don’t believe us, leave for a week. It’ll seem like you’ve been gone for years when you get back.

Damn… I need a scotch.

Women are Logical Too

So, my Ex hasn’t talked to me since she dumped all her problems on me.

I dreamed bout her last night. It was a simple Dream, she texted me and we talked and talked, and I wanted her, but I rejected her because I didn’t want to get hurt again.

The female mind is crazy as fuck. It has to do with sense, not that it makes any! Women don’t seem to do anything logically, However, upon a closer look we see there is a logic. There just isn’t clear intention. A woman will also put herself first, no matter what. She will accomplish her objective, unless it doesn’t jive with her own, in which case she’ll tell you she couldn’t accomplish it.

Logic is how men decide to do things, whether the guide is importance, or convience, there is a method to getting things done. A man will admit he’s wrong. Prove it and a man will gracefully accept it, and if he doesn’t call him on it, he’ll have no choice.

A woman, would rather walk away from the argument, which will frustrate a man, because it seems no progress has been made.

If a man bows out first, in an argument with a woman, some may call him whipped, I’ll call him a wiseman. Diplomacy is how you keep women happy.

Women: We don’t know what you want unless you tell us. Tell us and we’ll do our best.

Men: Do your goddamn best or face the consequences.

Women: You know what the consequences are.

This has gotten off topic though. This blog is about me. I may well be wrong, here’s my disclaimer, I’m a 20 year old, working on a CompSci degree, taking any of this as law isn’t smart.

These are observatory remarks that myself, my friends, my dad and/or my mother have noticed/clued me into over the years. See if they make sense to you before putting them into practice.

My love life sucks. I tried hard with my last girl, it’s been some work getting over her and more work learning what I have. I can’t tell you how to pick up women, I can help you understand as far as I do how a women thinks, which who knows how useful that is.

If you found anything I said useful, god bless you, spread the knowledge around, make people understand. Once everyone understands, everyone can live together and enjoy it. At least that’s how I feel.

If you have a question about how men operate, ask me. I’ll tell you, if you have a question about how women operate… Well, get ready for speculation/observation, because I am not a women. I drink scotch. I love cars, and I have a dick. Damn skippy if I know men. Women get unraveled one layer at a time around here.