Tag Archives: behavior

College – An Exercise in Hatred and Demotivation

For my Blog’s Anniversary this yeah, I figured I’d do something fun. Considering it’s also Throwback Thursday. A rage-post, but also assessment of the educational system in America.

I have never once, in my 6+ years of college, found it fun. Continue reading

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Typing a Paper – Fin

I fuckin’ did it.
I
 really did it, yeah!
I really did it.

Current Status: Fin
Time Spent so Far: Too Much ~ 12 Hours
Outlook: No-Longer-Have-a-Brain™

Typing a Paper – 4

Still got’s me some ADHD. It’s about 4:20 AM. I am very tired. But I’ve made some progress. I’m sure hoping I’m ready for prime time.

During my drive, I realized how hard it is to write papers. They’re these monstrous, annoying, spike-encrusted walls that you’re forced to climb slowly to prove you can find the safest way up the wall.

Alternatively, you can attempt to speed run it, and probably poke yourself multiple times, but at least you made it over right?

Except, there’s someone standing on the other side of the wall shaking their head and saying “Well, you could have done better… tsk tsk tsk.

I honestly find nothing in this world as infuriating as research papers. Except bad drivers. But papers are a very close second.

Current Status: 5/10 Pages typed, 13/10 sources skimmed/gathered
Time Spent so Far: 8.5 Hours
Outlook: Only half-way typed?! F&@$

Typing a Paper – 3

Took  an hour long drive. Brain is doing the sleep deprived-thing…

Still 3 pages…

Back to it.

Typing a Paper – 2

Yeah… This isn’t going well…

I think perhaps a break will be helpful to my mental state.

Current Status: 3/10 Pages Types, 9/10 Sources Skimmed
Time Spent so Far: 6.5 Hours
Outlook: Not Great.

Typing a Paper – 1

In case I’ve never mentioned it before, or because I recently found out: I have ADHD. I’m classified as Type – C, but I typically present more inattentive behaviors than hyperactive, but still some both ways.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be typing a 10 Page Research Paper for a Law Class that’s due tomorrow morning.

I am medicated currently, but I find this to be helpful in allowing me to focus my thoughts. I wasn’t really sure where else to put it. Didn’t want to toss it up on reddit’s /r/adhd sub, or put it on Facebook.

It’s really hard to focus on something that I can’t really see the end of yet. Having a clear goal is always good, but as someone with ADHD, I have struggled with doing things that I can’t see the end of for a long time. Papers are just one example. Saving money was always another. I would think to myself, why save if I can buy things I want now? I still struggle with that even though I can pay bills. It’s easy to pay bills because I can see then end. Every billing cycle allows me to put the previous one behind me.

Long Papers (10+ pages) are still an issue. The one I’m supposed to be working on is a minimum of 10 pages, before footnotes. I’ve never typed a law-based paper, so this is super hard because I don’t know how much extra work I’ll have to put in when I’m done with all the bullshit of actually typing it.

Background: I’m a COM Major with a Concentration in Public Relations, Advertising, and Integrated Marketing Communications. Senior year. And no, I haven’t had to type up a Law-Format Research Paper yet.

I’m pretty done with school…

Suppose I’ll update more as the night wears on and my motivation wanes.

Current Status: 1/10 Pages typed, 3/10 sources gathered/skimmed.
Time Spent so far: 3 hours.
Outlook: It’s going to be a long night…

My Personal Philosophies (And More)

Two women in my life. One shouldn’t be, one has taken the place of another that has been mentioned a fair while ago, think years here…

The ones who are in my life, I pay attention to, I help when they need it, and I try to keep myself available. See, if I wanted to date somebody I would be dating right now. It’s a girls fault I’m not dating, but it’s not because of how I feel about her, it’s about how I feel about women in general. At least once in life, a man will try his level best to be everything a woman wants him to be. More than likely, he will fail, but the woman may appreciate the effort and lower her standards.

However, women are not static creatures. Women are more like water, always changing, never deciding upon a still form as long as the world moves around them. Men, from what I’ve observed, are like the moon. We aren’t quite static, but we don’t like to deviate from the path of least resistance if it’s working for us. We forget what kind of an impact we have on women as well. Just as the moon changes the tides, so do men profoundly impact women, often in ways we don’t expect.

When you think about it, men and women are intertwined. We’re separate within the human race. We think completely differently. We act completely differently, and often we follow different rules. I’m not going to start in on gender roles here, because they’re boring and really irrelevant. A man or woman can be anything they want to. A cart-girl at a super market would be no more obscure than a man working in a clothing shop, or make-up parlour. Traditional roles don’t really apply to the newer generations like they used to, and yes, there is something to be said for nurture vs. nature, but still, all in all, wholly irrelevant here.

Women and men are different. We all know and accept it. As much as a feminist or chauvinist will tell you otherwise, women cannot live without men, just as men cannot live without women. Yes homosexuals and all. Bullshit. Regardless of who you love, you cannot procreate without the opposite gender’s involvment somewhere down the line, even discounting children, women and men, homo- or heterosexual need the opposite gender, because a different viewpoint is always refreshing. Whether you cry on your best friend’s shoulder, or the groin of a stranger, the opposite sex will always have a place in our lives…

Which is one of the main reasons, I cannot understand why men and women refuse to understand each other. Yes, we think differently, but getting on the same page isn’t difficult. I know several men, studs, nerds, friends, men, who would give their left nut to know how women think. To a man, a woman’s actions seem to happen without a sense of logic, and to a woman, a man’s actions seem to be devoid of emotion and passion. That’s true to an extent. Men try their very hardest when making a decision to take their emotions out of the equation, most notably because certain emotions, like stress or anger can cause unclear thinking for a man.

Personally, when I make a decision, I like to be calm. I hate to be rushed, because I hate stress. Stress causes me to weigh options differently. When stress is added to an equation, I worry about the fastest, not necessarily the best route. When I remove stress and calm down, I can think rationally. I can make value judgments based on their outcome. I have always been a “journey” oriented person, as apposed to a “destination” oriented person, someone who when starting a trip is always worried about getting to the end, and is constantly thinking of ways to save time. I’m the type of person who enjoys the trip. My personal philosophy is that we have so little time on this Earth, why shorten it? Enjoy everything you do, don’t waste time worrying, because that’s still wasting time. You’ll get there when you get there.

As a man, I guess I don’t understand women when they talk about a patriarchal society. I feel that men and women can live, love and pursue however, whoever, and whatever they damn well please. We have a black president for chrissakes, and a woman was his primary competitor! Dammit if we don’t live in a world where there is somewhere you can be happy, and someone you can be happy with.

Believe it or not, I’m actually a conservative. I believe in due process, and the second amendment, yet I’m pro-choice. I think that anyone can pull themselves from the muk and become someone of value, to their family, their country or the whole world! Yet I think that they should be able to accomplish any goal they have legally. Nothing is impossible and you should never surrender! But I digress, to get back on topic…

I don’t proclaim to understand women, and I probably never will. Some things, women are better at, some things men can accomplish more competently, and still there is a place for everyone. All I’m saying is men and women don’t understand each other, and we need to. We all have to live together, and if we all try to understand others, and tolerate them, and work with them, we’ll become so much more than we are.

New relationships could be made simply by breaking humans down to their barest instincts. Barest being our three primary goals in life; staying alive, staying fed, and procreating. We all have rationalized these things, but still they linger at the core of our being, and still behavioral analysts use them to profile us as individuals, even though they are common to all humans.

Women: We don’t get you, tell us what you want! We won’t laugh, we try hard and work hard to keep you happy, if you think we’ve forgotten remind us! We aren’t perfect, and we aren’t mind readers. We will never forget you, what you’ve done for/to us. Ever. If you don’t believe us, leave for a week. It’ll seem like you’ve been gone for years when you get back.

Damn… I need a scotch.