Tag Archives: women

So Let’s Pretend For a Moment

… That I haven’t lost a lot in my life. That my parents haven’t split, that my breakups weren’t all disasters, that my cars haven’t all been disasters, that I haven’t been working the same minimum wage job for 3 years on the edge of getting fired and that my mind isn’t a briarpatch of hatred for all those things surrounding a frightened child who just wants to get the things he loves back, but everytime he ventures into the thorns he gets hurt…

Let’s pretend that isn’t the case. Let’s pretend this last relationship meant as much to me as it did to her (which was apparently not much), wouldn’t I still be depressed, that I’m again (still) single and feel like I wasted my time every night that I tried to stand by her and stay with her?

Maybe this is just an angry rant today with no basis in anything, but I miss her. Not my big ex. God no. She’s been further and further from that little boy, in fact she’s on an island with a bunch of other bitches out past the horizons of his vision.

The one I miss now is the girl who’s been occupying that little boy for some time now. While walking around the various natural paths in the briarpatch, the young boy, came upon a young girl. She seemed to be wandering as he was! He stopped and said hello. She returned the favor and they began to get to know each other. They walked around showing each other the trails. The boy even had to help the girl fend off the shadows in her own mind on occasion.

The Boy and girl became good friends. The boy worked hard to make sure they girl was enjoying herself, that she was happy. The girl smiled and hugged the boy. Sometimes even kissed him.

The boy and the girl navigated the briarpatch and the boy never once complained. Until he met some of his friends, and the girl found one of them to be more interesting and left the boy in the briarpatch… Without a word.

I miss this girl, but I can’t say anything to her… She doesn’t seem to care about me, my feelings or any of the things I did for her… Which to me hurts more than anything. Apathy sucks.

Girl: “I’ll be around for a while”
Boy: “until someone better comes along or you get bored?”
Girl: :(… No…

…Guess someone better came along.

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Happy Birthday Bitch

Today is a day I shouldn’t care about, but I do. It’s my Ex’s birthday. A day that I was able to remember without the aid of Facebook… That is not something I’m proud of.

I wanted to leave her a little something, like a card even, but friends and family advised me against it. They said she doesn’t deserve shit from me. They are right too. She broke up with me. Why should I bother. I don’t even consider us friends right now. We have nothing in common anymore and we don’t really talk or anything.

Yes, I still miss her. Do I still want her back? Fuck no. I hate her for what she did to me. As a person, I hate her. So… Happy Birthday. Hope you don’t think of me today, because that would just be too freaky.

She got me again

When she contacted me a few weeks ago, I wanted to know why… I didn’t realize, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit, I still loved her.

I still wanted to be with her. She told me when I hugged her, that it was more than friendly. She was right. I care about her as more than a friend. I always will. She cannot be just a friend. I refuse to think of her like that, because it’s such a colossal downgrade! I can’t go from a two yer relationship, where I told her I loved everyday to, we don’t talk and we don’t hang out because you’re scared something will happen.

She had a few reasons to call me, of which this time, she looked for an excuse, hence my hoodie.
1) She missed me and was considering getting back together (to have me help raise her maybe-kid).
2) She was using me as her backup plan, and had no intention of even being friends till all else failed
3) She’s super confused and has no idea why she contacted me, doubtful
4) She’s a massive bitch and she wanted to string me along some more.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, time does not heal all wounds! She could’ve given me a year and I wouldn’t necessarily be over her!

I dreamt she was laughing at me for believing she wanted me back, and falling for it again…

After all the time I’ve spent spinning my wheels this summer. I just don’t want to deal with her. She’ll get a new BF soon enough, plaster him all over her FB, sleep with him within a week or 2 and end up exactly where she was. I’m sick of this cycle too. It took her 6 months to go farther with a new guy and have him leave her than it did with me! I don’t wanna be around for her to cry on.

She says she’s moved on and that it should be easy for me. But it isn’t. I tell her to let me go, and she says she has. But every time she talks to me, I feel myself get slowly pulled back in and hopeful.

I’ve severed all ties with her 3 times and she keeps coming back. Fuck it! I’m sick of this cycle where I’m like her ground zero! Fuck! I don’t want this anymore.

That Damn Smile

After making plans, and appropriately preparing myself for a meeting with fate… Haircut, shave, nice clothes, comfortable shoes, various mental prep, the works… I went to the fair grounds to meet with my ex for a real talk. The first in 6 months.

After arriving at 8 PM, and wandering till 10:19 PM, I finally found her, on her way out, and after 2 brisk hugs and very few words, she was off. All the while with that damn smile on her face.

That Damn Smile as it should be known now, is that impenetrable smile women wear when they talk. It’s similar to a poker face.

I know that women seldom say what they mean. It’s much easier to read a person’s body language, even if one isn’t experienced in such ventures, than to try and read them vocally such as on the phone. Women tend to convey thoughts through subtle actions. A fireworks display to most men, some women tend to bite their lower lip when they are “in the mood”… Or stare at the ground when faced with an unpleasant memory…

My ex, from when she saw me, to when she walked away, had That Damn Smile on. I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to!? I wanted to know what she was thinking. Even a rough idea. She contacted me after 8 months out of the blue, an I wanted to know why… Because of That Damn Smile however, I learned nothing in 3-4 minutes. I’m exactly where I started except now I’m angry I wasted my night looking for her! She hung up on me and my friend because her parents were watching her… She found me by accident and waved me over and everything, and 3 minutes later, she was gone, and I had wasted any money I spent there because I hadn’t accomplished anything, and I had no fun trying to hunt her down.

Damn. Yeah. After all that build up, this was mainly a pissed off rant. Whatever, goodnight. Hope you got something from this.

Heartbreak Warfare

When I signed in last night, I was greeted with “Love is a losing battle”. When pressed to whom she was battling, She replied “men”. When pressed she replied “the ones that I talk to”.

Love isn’t easy, but it sure as hell ain’t a losing battle until someone admits defeat. One of my personal mantras has always been “don’t quit until it’s hopeless”.

A good relationship is like a good house. Without a strong foundation, it will fall, without a comfortable midsection, it won’t stay comfortable to be in, and without a good insulation, you won’t be protected from the outside. I’m speaking metaphorically of course, but really. A relationship takes time and effort to build and maintain. I believe everyone who dates should be at a point in the relationship where outside forces have no effect on the relationship!

I’m someone who made a mistake earlier. I was a cheater, and I stopped. Because I loved the girl I was with. Anything is possible if your will is strong enough. That is true, at least relationship wise.

One thing I found out, is you cannot change anyone but yourself. You have the power to change anything, by changing yourself. I’m not saying act a certain way to get something or someone, but if there is a bad habit preventing you from being happy, change it! Smoker? Quit! Alcoholic? Pour the booze out! Chronically late? Get yourself a planner and leave earlier! It is all how badly you want to change.

Mind over matter. If your mind is strong enough, matter won’t matter.

You’ve seen people survive years past what doctors say is possible, why? They will tell you, will power. If you truly want something with all your heart, your willpower will help you make it happen. Only when you believe something is impossible is it.

If you resign yourself to defeat, you will never win. Just IMHO.

Figured Something Out

I was talking with my best friend Steve on the way home today. He had to give me a ride due to Silvia’s condition at the moment…

We got to talking about women and we came to a realization. Women talk to their Friends about their relationships, if you’re dating a woman, they can’t talk to you about that, so they’ll talk to you about boring shit, you know how I know even they think it’s boring?

Even they can’t tell when we’re paying attention! Hey, quick tip, IF YOU FOUND IT BORING, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE’LL FIND IT INTERESTING?!

Women, all women, when they talk about their relationship, they’ll talk to someone not quite completely removed but close enough to the situation that they have an inkling of what’s going on… Because they want someone to agree with them!

No matter how much you think you know about someone else’s relationship, I’ll bet you a million dollars you don’t know as much as the people actually involved with the relationship! I don’t care if you’re best buds or girlfriends, you don’t know the whole story! Because no one ever tells the whole story!

I feel that if a woman wants to talk about their relationship, they should be able to talk about it with their better half! Seriously, if it’s affecting his or her life, she/he deserves to know what’s coming so they can act accordingly.

My ex dumped me without talking to me. She talked to her family, her friends, her dance friends, pretty much everyone but myself. I can’t change it, but it was something that made me sad.

If you’ve dated someone for more than a month, you should have the confidence to discuss your relationship with the one you’re dating. If it’s been more than a month, they deserve to know if you’ve kept them around.

Just my own personal opinions.

Women are Logical Too

So, my Ex hasn’t talked to me since she dumped all her problems on me.

I dreamed bout her last night. It was a simple Dream, she texted me and we talked and talked, and I wanted her, but I rejected her because I didn’t want to get hurt again.

The female mind is crazy as fuck. It has to do with sense, not that it makes any! Women don’t seem to do anything logically, However, upon a closer look we see there is a logic. There just isn’t clear intention. A woman will also put herself first, no matter what. She will accomplish her objective, unless it doesn’t jive with her own, in which case she’ll tell you she couldn’t accomplish it.

Logic is how men decide to do things, whether the guide is importance, or convience, there is a method to getting things done. A man will admit he’s wrong. Prove it and a man will gracefully accept it, and if he doesn’t call him on it, he’ll have no choice.

A woman, would rather walk away from the argument, which will frustrate a man, because it seems no progress has been made.

If a man bows out first, in an argument with a woman, some may call him whipped, I’ll call him a wiseman. Diplomacy is how you keep women happy.

Women: We don’t know what you want unless you tell us. Tell us and we’ll do our best.

Men: Do your goddamn best or face the consequences.

Women: You know what the consequences are.

This has gotten off topic though. This blog is about me. I may well be wrong, here’s my disclaimer, I’m a 20 year old, working on a CompSci degree, taking any of this as law isn’t smart.

These are observatory remarks that myself, my friends, my dad and/or my mother have noticed/clued me into over the years. See if they make sense to you before putting them into practice.

My love life sucks. I tried hard with my last girl, it’s been some work getting over her and more work learning what I have. I can’t tell you how to pick up women, I can help you understand as far as I do how a women thinks, which who knows how useful that is.

If you found anything I said useful, god bless you, spread the knowledge around, make people understand. Once everyone understands, everyone can live together and enjoy it. At least that’s how I feel.

If you have a question about how men operate, ask me. I’ll tell you, if you have a question about how women operate… Well, get ready for speculation/observation, because I am not a women. I drink scotch. I love cars, and I have a dick. Damn skippy if I know men. Women get unraveled one layer at a time around here.