Monthly Archives: February 2007

Dammit All To Hell

Again, just when I think I’ve found her, an old flame that she can’t put out, burns me.

I hate this. It’s like my hearts been ripped out. She’s scared and confused, and in pain, and I can’t do anything for her… I hate this. I’m in so much pain, and all I want to do it work out. I want to feel every muscle scream at me to stop, and keep pushing.

I just wanna drive, and drive until I run out of gas. Then wander out into the wilderness and tear my heart out so I can’t feel the pain anymore. For god’s sake, why is he doing this?

Oh God… I just don’t know anymore.

Weekly Update

Well, the Basic format is it’s my mother’s Birthday and It’s Super Bowl Sunday. So, with little time to think, I’m pulling rush-jobs on all my Homework. Last week’s HW turnout was horrible, and I want to pass, so I got some serious work to do!

I think it’s just that there are too many distraction, combined with my own natural laziness to make for a major procrastination Sandwhich. Although, It’s not entirely impossible to do what I need, it is, highly improbbable. That Book Report alone would take a 3 Weeks if I did it to the best of my ability. It’s a long 700+ page book, but one if the only ones in existence as a Biography to Emporer Meiji. So, I’ll be reading and absorbing that at Hyperspeed to save my Grade. 70/50, I’ll take the 70 with a bunch of hard work.

I hate constantly being on the brink of failure, I wish I had some breathing room, but I know , that I would just being to shirk things if I had any.┬áMy connundrum is that there are way more fun things to do, and I HAVE to do my Homework. I HAVE to put my Nose to the grindstone and just Do it! I’m not programmed that way, and aside from that, I just in general hate Homework. Especially when my teachers assign projects.

The Challenging thing about projects is not only setting up a work schedul but adhereing to it. Adhering to my schedual would be the hardest part, because I always say “I have plenty of time” right up until the last minute when I rish to finish. That kills me. It’s hard to change too. It’s like trying to fight what you are. Resistance, is not fun. It so easy to just not do anything. The sweet smell of an A would be the release I need. I know that will take a LOT of work. I’ll be lucky if I manage a 70 on my Global because of that one test I got a 55 on! That hurt. Like Hell. I was just bringing the grade up too.

Well, Once again I am saying some sweet words. But will I be insprired enough to do the work, or will the sweet, sweet words I’m telling myself turn into bitter orange wax in my ears. Only time and my drive to suceed in school will tell. Which is virtually invisible because I have no one worth competeing with or for. I can’t see far enough ahead to find a reason to do my work. That has to change.

That was the weekly update, check back periodically if you’re interested enough, and absorb some of my better works