Monthly Archives: May 2010

After All The Shit, She Contacts me Again

You ever had one of those days, where everything is just going awesome, and then someone who you really have no intention of talking to ruins it?

My Ex told me after a long drawn out fight, that she was over me and wouldn’t care if I stopped talking to her, and I couldn’t bear to hear about her with other guys, on a count of a two year relationship, so I said “goodbye” and deleted her from all SoNets except my phone. She had dumped me early before class, so I went with tears in my eyes, and then told me that when I went to pick her up so she could do it in person, that tired woman’s excuse “it’s not you, it’s me”.

I can put up with a lot. I never asked much of her. I would drop everything to help her with whatever she needed. Rides, whatever. Yes, I wasn’t always punctual. 15 minutes late on Average, but change is hard, and I was usually coming from class, or work to the other side of a different town. I take classes in Troy, NY. I picked her up everyday I had classes first semester from her HS, located in Guilderland Centre (Altamont), NY. Second semester that cut down due to class¬†rescheduling. As a side note, I was never late picking her up from school. I poured my soul into that relationship. I can’t measure how much I spent on Gas and Food for transporting and feeding her and myself on dates and the like. No it’s not about the money, or the time, it’s about how little they meant to her.

Just so we’re clear here. 2 days after she dumped me, she had a new boyfriend. Couldn’t possibly have been any overlap could there? She swears “no”. For what it’s worth, I believe her.

After out last great fight, in which she contacted me asking for help with her computer, and I told her to go away, she ended with, “I’m OVER YOU, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!” She also informed me that she refused to give back the $320 promise ring I got her. So, I told her, she was out of my SoNet. AIM, Skype, Facebook, all had to be purged. I did it. I cried, and I moved on. I never forgot her, but I tried to stop hoping she’d come back.

I was almost totally over her. I wasn’t thinking about her. I was having a great day, did great on my Math 150 Final, roller-bladed home after dropping my mom’s car off at the garage. The phone buzzes. It’s her. “Hi how r u?”. I stare at it in disbelief. I lock the phone, and start typing, and I start thinking.

I picked up the phone, and texted my Bud who’d recently had a bad breakup of his own. He said he’d been texting her just to talk. He said she probably started missing me and decided to text me. I don’t blame him or anything. I was just in shock. It’s been 3 months, at least, since I’ve heard from her.

I don’t know how I feel anymore. I miss her, but I cannot see her. If I do, I think I’ll break down. I’ve been avoiding her area of town. I’ve kept my Chats clear. Everything I can think of. I know why I can’t. If I see her, or hear her, I’ll start being stupid. I know I don’t love her anymore… I think I don’t love her anymore…

“I can’t stay with you now,
Cuz I am so ashamed.
Didn’t mean to let you down,
The tears roll down my face.

Are you still in love with me?
I need to know right now…
Because I’m still in love with you…

I wanna be… In your dreams
In your dreams!
Just wait and see,
You can count on me!
Count on me!
I know just what you’re after!
But I keep speeding faster!
I wanna see you in my dreams!

I am trying to change,
But something’s in the way.
I take all of the blame,
And Hate the things I say.

Do you still feel the same?
I need to know right now.
Cuz I know it’s hard to change!

I wanna be in your dreams
In your dreams!
Just wait and see,
You can count on me!
Count on me!
I know just what you’re after,
But I keep speeding faster!
I wanna see you in my dreams!

Lay your head on my shoulder.
And I won’t let you go!
Yeah,
Yeah,

I’m not fallin’ under,
Because I know thats it’s hard to find.
Yeah,
Yeah.

When I’m down,
I reach for the sky!
And sometimes I wanna cry!
Yeah,
Yeah,

Are you still in love with me?!
I need to know right now!
Because I’m still in love with you!

I wanna be in your dreams!
In your dreams!
Just wait and see, you can count on me!
Count on me!
I know just what you’re after!
My heart keeps beating faster!
I wanna see your in my dreams!

Lay your head on my shoulder!
I won’t let you go!
Yeah,
Yeah,”

Dreams by Buckcherry.

That about sums everything up for me right now. I know one thing for sure. I will not be talking to her, unless she calls me. No way I’m going to text it. Last time was pretty final. Unless she has something important enough to call me over, I’m not talking back to her. I’m not being immature, I’m just trying not to do something stupid. God I hope it’s the right decision.

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