Category Archives: Life

Typing a Paper – 2

Yeah… This isn’t going well…

I think perhaps a break will be helpful to my mental state.

Current Status: 3/10 Pages Types, 9/10 Sources Skimmed
Time Spent so Far: 6.5 Hours
Outlook: Not Great.

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Typing a Paper – 1

In case I’ve never mentioned it before, or because I recently found out: I have ADHD. I’m classified as Type – C, but I typically present more inattentive behaviors than hyperactive, but still some both ways.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be typing a 10 Page Research Paper for a Law Class that’s due tomorrow morning.

I am medicated currently, but I find this to be helpful in allowing me to focus my thoughts. I wasn’t really sure where else to put it. Didn’t want to toss it up on reddit’s /r/adhd sub, or put it on Facebook.

It’s really hard to focus on something that I can’t really see the end of yet. Having a clear goal is always good, but as someone with ADHD, I have struggled with doing things that I can’t see the end of for a long time. Papers are just one example. Saving money was always another. I would think to myself, why save if I can buy things I want now? I still struggle with that even though I can pay bills. It’s easy to pay bills because I can see then end. Every billing cycle allows me to put the previous one behind me.

Long Papers (10+ pages) are still an issue. The one I’m supposed to be working on is a minimum of 10 pages, before footnotes. I’ve never typed a law-based paper, so this is super hard because I don’t know how much extra work I’ll have to put in when I’m done with all the bullshit of actually typing it.

Background: I’m a COM Major with a Concentration in Public Relations, Advertising, and Integrated Marketing Communications. Senior year. And no, I haven’t had to type up a Law-Format Research Paper yet.

I’m pretty done with school…

Suppose I’ll update more as the night wears on and my motivation wanes.

Current Status: 1/10 Pages typed, 3/10 sources gathered/skimmed.
Time Spent so far: 3 hours.
Outlook: It’s going to be a long night…

Control

Fall is upon us (at least here in the north-east United States) and that means that for some, within a few months, we’ll be blanketed with that white shit from God we all call snow.

Winter is one of my favorite times of year, because of Christmas, New Years, the opportunity to snowboard, skate, and take freezing walks with someone special (so you both don’t freeze), but there’s a reason I hate winter as well; it’s the snow.

Snow is white, but really it has no color. It’s just tiny water droplets that froze around some molecule of something less pure. It falls in inches. It sticks to everything and weighs a ton. It covers our cars making us start our commutes 20 minutes early to defrost the windshield!

Most importantly, and annoyingly, it blankets our roads, causing our tires to lose traction sooner, and thusly a loss of control. It makes our braking less effective, makes our cars more prone to spinning, and slows them down more than any other force in the world save friction by forcing us to drive slower to maintain control.

But like everything else in life, you can look with a pessimistic eye or an optimistic eye; it can be a hindrance to your driving, or an opportunity to improve it!

Car control, real car contol, fine car control is a skill not many people bother to master anymore. It’s something everyone can at the very least improve. With control comes better efficiency. Both in terms of gas mileage and time taken to travel. Every winter I learn more about car control. Everything has to be perfect in winter, braking; so you don’t plow into anyone, acceleration; so you don’t bog, turning; so you don’t careen off the road. Yet every winter I see more and more accidents from people who were too confident or under attentive.

This winter, I urge each and every driver to try and improve their driving. Even if you only once go to a parking lot after a heavy snowfall and practice sliding, you’ll still have practiced and know more in depth how to counter the slide. I think if everyone in the US took their driving even half as seriously as the Finnish do, that we would have fewer accidents and more people that enjoyed their cars.

I don’t understand why when cars are such a huge part of our lifestyle as Americans, we know so little about them.

Again, I urge everyone reading; improve your driving this winter. It may save your life, it will most likely save you money, and it will probably help you enjoy your car instead of it being a chore. Like anything else though, you have to want to improve yourself for it to be effective. But, please, if not for you then for the safety of others, become a better driver. I promise you will not regret it.

Forgiven My Mistakes

I’m tired. It’s been a long day. I’m not done yet either.

I thought about my ex today… I tried to think about Leesh. It didn’t really work. We’ve been fighting recently. It just seems like she has no time for me, and I know we’re not dating, but we have barely spoken in a week… I kind of want to see her. She’s got work, and homework, which leaves little time for me…

I just want to quit this monotony. It’s self inflicted and I can’t really help it, it’s sort of like my punishment for being irresponsible. That doesn’t mean I want it to stay this way. Sometimes I just want to run. From my problems, from my Ex, from everyone who wants me in any way, from my family, from my car, from the debt from that… I wonder when my debts will be settled. Money, Karma and otherwise… I’m just tired of it all.

I want my whip. I want to quit all the futzing around and the bullshit. I want to be working a better-paying job, better suited to my skill sets… Not that I know what those even are anymore.

I’m sick of unfulfilled relationships. I want a girlfriend again. One I like, one who doesn’t bother me… I don’t even think my standards are unreasonable… I just don’t think the right one is presenting themselves (like they ever do), but also I don’t know if there’s a forest with all these damn trees obscuring it!

I can’t wait for summer. Paintball. Testing out the SL-68. Driving Silvia. Swimming, Roller Blading…

“Here I stand a better man, Thank you Lord. THANK YOU ALL!
Let the rain, wash away all the pain of yesterday.
I know my kingdom awaits, and they’ve forgiven my mistakes.
I’m coming home. I’m coming home.
Tell the world: I’m coming home!” – Diddy

I am a better man. I’m a better person. I’ve paid 10 times over for every mistake I’ve made. I will be paying in one way or another for it for the rest of my life… I know I’m not finished growing, and I learn new stuff every day. I’ve almost died on 2 separate occasions. I try to be nice, I help people when they ask. I care about Leesh. — These are things I know to be true.

I own nothing, and am alive through someone else’s good graces. Leesh cares about me. I will eventually pay my dues. — Things I believe are true.

C’mon Mr. Daniel don’t fail me now!

Drunk Blogging…

Happy New Years Everyone. Here’s to understanding the opposite sex better through observation and deduction, because God knows they’ll never tell us themselves!

Shout outs go out to Walker and Sons and Jack Daniel for making the year easier for those of us who like whisky/whiskey

Happy Birthday Bitch

Today is a day I shouldn’t care about, but I do. It’s my Ex’s birthday. A day that I was able to remember without the aid of Facebook… That is not something I’m proud of.

I wanted to leave her a little something, like a card even, but friends and family advised me against it. They said she doesn’t deserve shit from me. They are right too. She broke up with me. Why should I bother. I don’t even consider us friends right now. We have nothing in common anymore and we don’t really talk or anything.

Yes, I still miss her. Do I still want her back? Fuck no. I hate her for what she did to me. As a person, I hate her. So… Happy Birthday. Hope you don’t think of me today, because that would just be too freaky.

She got me again

When she contacted me a few weeks ago, I wanted to know why… I didn’t realize, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit, I still loved her.

I still wanted to be with her. She told me when I hugged her, that it was more than friendly. She was right. I care about her as more than a friend. I always will. She cannot be just a friend. I refuse to think of her like that, because it’s such a colossal downgrade! I can’t go from a two yer relationship, where I told her I loved everyday to, we don’t talk and we don’t hang out because you’re scared something will happen.

She had a few reasons to call me, of which this time, she looked for an excuse, hence my hoodie.
1) She missed me and was considering getting back together (to have me help raise her maybe-kid).
2) She was using me as her backup plan, and had no intention of even being friends till all else failed
3) She’s super confused and has no idea why she contacted me, doubtful
4) She’s a massive bitch and she wanted to string me along some more.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, time does not heal all wounds! She could’ve given me a year and I wouldn’t necessarily be over her!

I dreamt she was laughing at me for believing she wanted me back, and falling for it again…

After all the time I’ve spent spinning my wheels this summer. I just don’t want to deal with her. She’ll get a new BF soon enough, plaster him all over her FB, sleep with him within a week or 2 and end up exactly where she was. I’m sick of this cycle too. It took her 6 months to go farther with a new guy and have him leave her than it did with me! I don’t wanna be around for her to cry on.

She says she’s moved on and that it should be easy for me. But it isn’t. I tell her to let me go, and she says she has. But every time she talks to me, I feel myself get slowly pulled back in and hopeful.

I’ve severed all ties with her 3 times and she keeps coming back. Fuck it! I’m sick of this cycle where I’m like her ground zero! Fuck! I don’t want this anymore.